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Here I will review movies I have seen. These, of course, are only my opinions and should not be taken seriously (or, at least, not completely seriously).

WARNING: Some of my reviews may give away parts of the plot. I will try not to do so (no I won't) but if there are probelms with the plot, editing or direction, my descriptions of those problems may give stuff away.

APOLOGY:  I have borrowed  (Stolen, assumed, pilfered) photos of the movie (just on this page) from wherever I could find them and without giving copyright sources for them.  Like many internet sites, I will remove these photos if asked by their owners to do so.  On the other hand, I am making no money from this, it is just for fun, and the images themselves might be seen as part of a larger work (namely, this page) that is not directly related to the work the photos are taken from (namely the movie) and, therefore, not really a copyright infringement at all.

2 Fast 2 Furious

The sequel to the fast and the furious (not the 1953 movie by that name) is about racing scenes with a plot taken from an episode of Miami Vice to provide the basis upon which racing scenes might be shown.  I didn't miss Vin Diesel but that was only because this wasnot so much a sequel as a new movie with essentially no real ties to the first one.


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This movie was brilliant but it was no Being John Malkovich. Still, if you enjoy a movie where the special effects are mostly in your own head, you are going to want to see this. Who am I kidding, wasn't I the last person to see this movie. Why even bother?

Full Review

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever


This movie could have been good had they either dumbed down the plot or actually used it.  As it stands I can can think of at least 10 things that you, personally, could be doing that would be a better use of your time than watching this movie.


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I like B movies and I will (given time) find you some worth watching (and maybe some gems). This is not one of them.


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Bowling for Columbine

The awards that Mr. Moore won for this should have been won for Roger and Me.  This is an important movie but Do Not get sucked into believing that it was a good movie.  It just seemed like it was when it fact it was merely an opportunity for Moore to show off what an ignorant and annoying human being he is under the guise of doing something important.



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Bulletproof Monk

I hate watching "flying" martial artists ALL the time and think John Woo needs a new gimick. My advice would be to watch some classic martial arts movie again rather than rent this one.



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Changing Lanes Changing Lanes

Released: September 2002
Starring: Ben Affleck and Samuel L. Jackson
Director: Roger Michell

The Scoop: Maybe I just was not expecting very much from this movie and, because of this, it surprised me. After all, I am not a big fan of Ben Affleck and the previews basically kept me from renting the thing for almost two years. However, the previews were not very true to the movie and were, no doubt, an attempt by the powers that be to get an action seeking crowd into this movie that bordered on being (or at least seemed at times to want to be) a filym. Now I am not suggesting that this was a great movie, but it was a movie about justice and truth and finding ones self and not the simple, fast paced movie that the preview suggested. In fact, both Jackson (who I assumed would) and Affleck (who I assumed would not) did a fine job of building believable characters who simply get caught up in the chaos of a world that they do not seem to control but, upon more intense scrutiny, do have tremendous power over. I would recommend this movie. It had a charm and grace that was unexpected and dealt well with not only the common moral dilemmas that we sometimes face but the over-arching foundations of those dilemmas that are common to us all. A real morality play set against a backdrop of over hyped previews. Rent it. You will probably find something to like about it.

Cradle 2 the Grave

If you are one of the lucky few who have not seen this cinematic disaster DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE.  It sucks!  It bites!  If you are thinking about renting it, rent "Rush Hour" instead.  Seen "Rush Hour" already, doesn't matter, you'll like seeing it again better than you would like seeing this movie.  If you want more information on why not to watch this movie. Read the full review below.



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Exit Wounds

Not Steven's best movie (which ,ay not be saying a whole lot). Still, not a bad flick and, if it were not for Tom arnold, it would have been an enjoyable thing to watch.  Still, worth renting if you are a Seagal fan (not worth looking at the box cover if you are not). 



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Another excellent adventure from Dinsey and Pixar and yet another reason to like Ellen DeGeneres (and balance those scales).  If you saw such animated movies as Toy Story and A Bug's Life then the shere quality of this movie (on all levels) will not surprize you.  This is a damn good story about a fish.  Click on the link below for more of what I thought.



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Frost: Portrait of a Vampire

This movie is hiding out under either the "F" section or the "horror" section of your local video store but it is not really a movie. It is a poorly filmed cinematic disaster. I would hesitate to rent any move that is even near this video for fear of cantamination. To be fair, someone is probably quite proud of this movie. Proud of the fact that it made it to video.

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The Good Thief

Nick Nolte is getting to old to play a robber, even an old one. He is getting WAY too old to be playing the romantic interest of a young girl. He is NOT getting to old to play a washed up alcoholic and, in fact, was probably type-cast here. He did a good job but I can't help thinking that the casting director was thinking Nick Nolte twenty years ago.



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How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

This was an all right romantic comedy (I can say that). There is little doubt that I feel this way only because I thought I was goingto REALLY hate it. The plot is not as dumb as the trailers make it look but do not expect more than the romantic equivalent of, say, a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.



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Great acting by almost everyone concerned (Serandan has had this part down for twenty years and Ryan Phillipe isn't acting) in this "wish-I-was-David-Mamet" like script.  The major shortcomming of this film was the fact that it was a character driven movie with no hint of character development.  I can see why the it would appear intellectual but, really, it wasn't.  For a full review where I say the same thing, hit the link.

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The Legend of Ron Jeremy

Considering how many porn movies (and women) this guy has been in, I would have expected either a more interesting story or more sex. It was obvious that, for a porn God, Jeremy's life is really not that interesting.

Still, not a bad documentary and probably worth watching if you have any interest at all..


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The Life of David Gale

This was an excellent movie that made me think. Granted, the main point was about as subtle as a brick to the head and the movie had some problems.  In the end, however, it was well worth watching.  To find out why (and kind of wreck the plot) click the link below.

Full Review

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

As you might expect me to say, this movie was awesome.  The third part of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, it is my belief that these monumental movies will become for today's youth what Star Wars was for those of us born 10-20 years earlier.  A must see!!


Full Review

Master and Commander

Assuming the Lord of the Rings falls into the "fantasy" category, Master and Commander is the best action movie you are going to see in theatres during 2003 (and probably 2004).  It is exceptionally crafted and I would recommend it highly.


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Matchstick Men

This was an excellent movie.  It is, however, a drama that is only driven by a con artist, criminal-type plot.  Do not expect a movie that keeps you constantly on the edge of your seat.  Do expect a movie that provides excellent entertainment, superb acting and a solid story.  If you are looking for The Fast and The Furious this movie is not for you.  If you are looking for a damn fine movie about a guy who is a con artist then this movie is for you.



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The Missing

Tommy Lee Jones and Cate Balnchette both give exceptional performances in this rather banal movie that did not even need to be a Western.  The previews, which make the movie look spooky and mystical, are way off base: this is a Western with some unneccesary witch-doctoring.  Still, if you like Westerns, Ron Howard or either or the principle actors, this movie is probably worth a rent.


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The Order

This movie could have really been something.  But it wasn't.  It has a lot of things going for it but plot isn't one of them and neither is screenplay.  If you are going to bother at all (and I would say you should) wait for the video.



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Someday, in the near future, someone will make a movie without Collin Ferrell in it.  He did a great job here, mind you.  Wish the writers and directors had.  This movie failed on so many levels but still managed to be worth renting.  For more of my spew - click the link.



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Once again a movie demonstrates that, without a doubt, Hollywood can only make movies about criminals while the Brits can make films about them.

Rent this Movie.

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Silent Warnings

This is a B+ movie that I would only recommend renting if a) you are a sci-fi or horror fan and, b) there is nothing else on the shelf you want to see.  One of the best things about this movie is that Setphen Baldwin is only in it for a very short time (you do have suffer for a while I am afraid).  It is a fun movie though and worth a tired night at home while the wife is out somewhere else and you can't find any porn to watch.

Also, it did leave me with one very important question:  Does giving Stephen Baldwin top billing actually entice people to rent a movie?  Let me know.

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Defintely a B grade movie but with a certain amount of stuff going for it.  I would not recommend this movie to everyone but if you are like me and both appreciate a decent B movie as well as tend to run out of Hollywood blockbusters you care to rent, you could do worse than to check this flick out.


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If you like action movies you will like this.  Too much character development and motivation supplying background make it a bit slower than I think it could be but it is definitely worth an evening of entertainment.

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(Mis) Directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Bruce Willis, this movie is worth seeing if only to highlight the Irony that Nigeria is just the kind of place where the U.S. of A. would not get involved.   The fight scenes are as good as fight scenes can be but they are few and far apart, separated by lengthy landscape and mood shots (some of which are remarkable while still being misplaced in this movie).  For a full review, hit the link.

Full Review

Terminator 3

I LOVED this movie because it was exactly what it was supposed to be, a special effects broo-ha-ha. On the sci-fi level it fell kind of short but why let the plot get in the way of the killing and special effects? Why indeed? Check the link for a longer review.



Full Review

Tomb Raider 2

I did not like this movie at all and I hope that it is the end of the franchize because I will HAVE to see the next one (just 'cause). This movie sucked on so many levels that it is impossible to do it justice here and you will have to check out the link below.



Full Review

Vampires Anonymous Vampires Anonymous

Released: 2000
Starring: Nichole Forrester, Paul Popowich and Michael Madsen
Directed by: Michael Keller

I am not giving this movie a do not rent warning but that is not to suggest that you should go out and watch it. It is not to be avoided at all costs but the rental fee might be too high.

The movie started off strong as Popowich?s character (wanting a normal life and having just killed his fourth girlfriend) joins Vampires Anonymous . The meetings, the love, the 12-step program, these were all very good. Just seeing the clips of these would be worth the fifteen or twenty minutes it would take to sit through the television program this movie should have been. However, as the movie moves on it wears on. Popowich is put in a relocation program and moved to the mid-west where he is to live on sheep?s blood. He meets a nice girl, kills some rivals and is hunted by a Buffy satire. It all gets kind of mundane and boring and I got the distinct impression that those in charge were not certain what direction they wanted to go with this movie.

In short, it was a pretty high quality B movie but really didn?t have enough redeeming qualities to see itself through to the predictable end. I?d definitely pick up another movie by the same crew but would not advise that anyone go out looking to waste time watching this one.

Wag the Dog
This is so definitely a movie that is worthwhile seeing. Filmed in just 29 days for a measly fifteen million dollars, there is more cast power in this movie than there is at your average Academy Awards show. Political Satire (I hope) at its finest.

Full Review

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton
This was a much better movie than one might expect. Mind you, I was expecting that I might rather shoot myself. Still, if your girlfriend or other significant femine partner, wants to see something mushy, this might not be a complete waste of time.
Full Review

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